Imagine that it’s a month into summer and you have a spurt of energy. You decide to do some major cleaning. That’s when you see it. Your son’s backpack that wasn’t cleaned out at the end of the school year. You aren’t sure what you’ll find, so you slowly open the zipper and hold your breath. It’s like the jump scare moment in a horror film. There are a ton of crumpled papers, stinky socks, and something moldy that is unidentifiable. The stench is unbearable. Rather than cleaning it out, you zip it back up and toss it into the garage.
Just like your son’s backpack, you have your own backpack that is filled with the unknown. You might not see it, but you can definitely feel it. It’s the backpack filled with stories and emotions from the past that you carry around with you. Your backpack might be bursting at the seams with memories that you haven’t revisited or processed. Your backpack might be light and airy filled with memories that bring you warmth and comfort. Or it might be heavy and cluttered filled with memories that bring you heartache and overwhelm.
Whatever is in your backpack, it subconsciously impacts your parenting on a regular basis.
Maybe your backpack is carrying the story of your near drowning experience. You were swimming at a public pool and no one noticed you struggling to stay above water. This would likely impact how you parent your child when it comes to water safety. In fact, you may even instill a fear of water because of your personal experience.
Or maybe your backpack is carrying the story of studying and following every rule that your parents put in place. You never tried alcohol or drugs or went to parties. This would likely make you more trusting of your teens. It might even make you overlook signs of trouble.
Your backpack is part of you filled with emotions, memories, values, and expectations.
Here’s the tricky thing…there are things that sneak out of your backpack when you least expect it. In times of overwhelm and intense emotions, your brain relies on its subconscious to make decisions. That’s when you blurt out that phrase your parents use to say that you swore you would never use. Or that’s when you place an expectation on your kids that don’t really align with your parenting values.
We all have these backpacks, so here’s the most important thing…you CAN unpack it.
When you unpack it and lay it all out, you can reacquaint yourself with all of the events and emotions that have shaped you. Then you can process them and decide what is still serving you and what you can release.
But if you leave it all packed up, just like your son’s backpack, it doesn’t go away. It just festers.
So take some time for yourself, and unpack your backpack. You’ll be surprised how much lighter things feel!
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
