When I woke up on a clear day in October, the day ahead of me looked promising. That lasted until I looked in a mirror and noticed a red dot on my face that rivaled Mount Rainier. A pimple had erupted overnight. My heart started pumping and my mind was blown. How could I possibly go to school? Mount Rainier was sure to be noticed by my peers in the halls of high school and would be the topic of conversation! My solution? Stay home to avoid the humiliation.
This is a true story from my high school years. Was it an extreme reaction? Absolutely! Is it uncommon? Not at all. Teenage girls feel like they live under a magnifying glass that illuminates their every flaw 24 hours a day. Parents can misinterpret this as egotistical or narcissistic, but it is a reality in their world. This is their perceived reality anyway, and perception is everything when you are in middle or high school. With the age of cyber-personas, the feeling of being noticed, on display, and judged 24 hours a day isn’t so far-fetched anymore. They don’t feel like the world revolves around them. They just feel like everyone notices every tiny little thing about them like their clothing, their hair, their make-up, their pimples, their scars, and their other self-perceived imperfections.
This imaginary magnifying glass shows up typically at the beginning of middle school. It can lead to all sorts of new and unexpected behaviors from our daughters. They might quit sports because they don’t like the uniform or don’t want to be seen as too masculine. They might shy away from achieving in clubs where they would be publicly recognized. You might find them stressed about getting dressed in the morning or before heading out to the movies. And, they might be embarrassed to be seen with you in public.
What can we do as parents? The only thing we can do is support them and continue to give them positive feedback. Be patient with them if they have changed for the tenth time that day. Encourage them to try new things and not be afraid of being recognized for their accomplishments. Assure them that sports will make them more beautiful because they will be healthy and happy. When you feel yourself losing patience with your seemingly egotistical teenage daughter, think about how you would feel with this huge omnipresent magnifying glass floating above your head all day. Then, take a deep breath and be thankful that you aren’t a teenager anymore.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
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