Your daughter walks in the front door and throws her backpack on the couch and walks into the kitchen foraging for a snack. She slams the refrigerator door and plops onto the couch empty handed. You are holding your breath waiting for the right time to say “hi”. You can feel the tension emanating from her.
THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING.
Clearly there is something wrong with her. Something is bothering her. But how do you start a conversation without setting her off? How can you be there for her without making things worse?
YOUR OPENING LINE IS CRUCIAL.
So you go with the all-time favorite parenting greeting. “How was your day?” Her response is an eye roll and a curt and completely obligatory “FINE”. She gets up from the couch and stomps up to her room and closes the door behind her.
SHE HAS MADE HER STANCE FIRM. SHE WANTS HER SPACE.
Because you love her, you really want to know what is bothering her. You want her to talk to you and to open up about her day. You want her to share with you her highs and lows and ups and downs. You haven’t seen her all day after all!
YOU WANT TO KNOW.
Here is the hard part. You want to know, but she needs her space. And it is really hard to give your daughter space when you know she is hurting. You want to hug her and listen to her and help her. She just wants her space. You can’t demand she open the door and talk to you. You can’t demand that she “spills the tea.” What you can do is…
LET HER KNOW YOU ARE THERE WHEN SHE IS READY.
You can’t make her talk, but you can make sure she knows you care. This is where it gets pretty simple. Do something small to make her feel special. Write a few love post-it-notes and put them around the house. Make her a quick snack and put it outside her door. Text her a silly gif that sends a hug her way. Make or order her favorite dinner. Parents, letting your teen know that you love them doesn’t have to be difficult.
LOVE IS SIMPLE.
When your teen feels that you love her unconditionally, that’s when the floodgates open for conversations. The love flows, the feelings flow, and the words flow.
In the Mom Wise Club, we will cover how to stay connected with your daughter, even when she is pulling away. Join us!
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