Gone are the days when we could protect our children from the atrocities of the world. With the 24/7 news cycle via Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, and even the old ancient TV, our teens are seeing and hearing all about the gun violence that has swept American schools. Most schools now practice lock downs right along with fire, tornado, and earthquake drills. As parents, we can’t shield them from this information or from this reality. That means, we need to step up our game and have a proactive conversation about it.
TALK ABOUT THE REASONS. It’s important to talk about the reasons that these shootings happen. Help your teen to come up with some of the reasons on their own. Some examples are mental illness, misguided hate, isolation and loneliness, need for notoriety, and extremist beliefs. It’s also important to remind them to reach out for help for themselves or others when needed. Give them info on helpful resources.
PROCESS EMOTIONS. If your child seems emotionally affected by the most current shooting, give them a chance to talk about their emotions. By allowing your kids to process their emotions, they will realize that it is ok to feel sad, angry, anxious or even numbness. All of these emotions are valid. Remind them that these emotions are only temporary, and that there is always a silver lining. Also, refrain from making statements like “You must feel _____”. Allow them to label their own emotions. By talking to them about their emotions, you are setting the stage so they can come to you during other difficult times.
FINDING THE GOOD. One thing that we see time and time again is that the goodness of people is always brought out in a time of tragedy. Our local tragic shooting at Marysville Pilchuk High School is no different. A heroic teacher spoke to the gunman and prevented more deaths. Students comforted each other as they huddled in classrooms and fled from the school. When the students returned to school the next week, people from all over lined the road with welcome signs and smiles to help ease their anxiety. Remind your teens that the do-gooders in this world far outnumber the bad seeds.
STATISTICS. If your teen seems anxious about attending school after a shooting, your teen should be reassured that, statistically speaking, few schools are involved in school shootings. Remind them that they are relatively safe in their own school and that these senseless acts of violence are very unlikely to directly affect them.
GIVE THEM AN ACTION POINT. Let your teen know that she is not helpless. If they want to help the victims, they can do so by sending cards to those who remain in the hospital, raise or donate funds to aid in the healing efforts, or attempt to make societal changes to prevent future tragedies.
CARPE DIEM. Although it is a bit cliché, remind your teen to live their life one day at a time and to its fullest. None of us know what our life holds in store for us. Cherish each and every day. [Skip this one if your child is particularly anxious or has obsessive tendencies.]
Whether your teens show their appreciation or not, they will learn from the time you spend talking with them about these events. Stay away from lecturing and instead engage them in an open and honest dialogue. Good luck with your conversations!
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
Some conversation starters:
Have you heard the news about the latest school shooting?
What have you heard?
What are your thoughts about it?
Do you have any questions?
