|
It’s the not knowing that creates that knot inside your stomach. When you ask your daughter how she’s doing, she answers with “fine”. She seems distant, cold, quiet. When you look in her eyes, you can see that she just isn’t herself.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SHE’S OK?
You can’t force your daughter to tell you what’s going on, or to open up, or to let it all out. There is no magic word to open up the lines of communication. It is important, though, to not give up and let it go. The parental SPIDEY SENSE is strong and very accurate.
SPIDEY SENSE (urban dictionary: generally used to mean a vague but strong sense of something being wrong, dangerous, or suspicious)
If your parental spidey sense is making your neck tingle, then it’s time to take your parenting efforts to the next level. It doesn’t mean that you haven’t been a good parent up until now. It doesn’t mean that you have done anything wrong. It just means that your daughter needs you to level up.
BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?
It is time for you to go out of your way to let your daughter know that you are there for her. This might mean taking a day off of work, putting volunteer responsibilities on the back burner, or turning off your electronics. Despite your long list of responsibilities, your daughter needs to become your number one priority for a while.
You can start with small things. Start by making her a snack in the afternoon (eating and talking often go hand in hand). Ask if she can help you make dinner. See if she’ll run a few errands with you. Offer to help organize her room. Beg her to go on a walk with you. Basically, create opportunities for conversations. Your overall goal is to…
HAVE RELAXED AND CALM INTERACTIONS.
Your daughter has to be willing and able to talk to you about what is going on, and that does not come from forced conversations. It comes from your casual availability. It comes from repeated and laid back opportunities to share. I’ll share with you my secret for open conversations…
COLORING.
In my coaching practice, if I can get my clients coloring or drawing, their words will start flowing. Being creative activates the right side of the brain and allows emotions to be more readily and freely accessed. It doesn’t matter how old your child is, creativity is the path to the soul. If your child despises creativity, then activity might be the secret sauce to starting those important conversations. Kick a soccer ball around or…
THROW A FOOTBALL BACK AND FORTH.
One of the toughest things I’ve dealt with as a parent is watching my kids suffer. It straight up sucks. Worrying about what is going on emotionally and internally is heart wrenching. We can’t process the pain for them or make it all go away. We have to stand steadily beside them and let them know they have the strength to get to the other side. They are the only ones that can put one foot in front of the other to move forward but you can steady them along the way.
So trust your parent spidey sense. And if you need to run something by me to get my professional input, I’m here for you.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
|
