You wake up in the morning and the rain is pouring down outside. Your eyes are heavy and you really don’t want to get out of bed. You whisper under your breath “I can’t get out of bed“. All of a sudden, your hovering fairy appears by your bedside. She throws back the covers, puts your feet on your floor, and hoists you out of bed.
WOW, THAT WAS HELPFUL.
You sleepily walk into the kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee. You add a little creamer, a little sugar and take that amazing first sip. Then you notice that the dishes weren’t done last night. You whisper under your breath “the dishes didn’t get done” and POOF, your hovering fairy shows up again. She does the dishes for you.
THAT WAS HELPFUL.
Later in the day, you are giving your adorable little pooch a belly rub. You notice that she needs to be brushed and whisper under your breath “You need a little brushing“. And guess who shows up. The hovering fairy. She brushes your dog for you.
THAT WAS NICE, BUT YOU KINDA WANTED TO DO THAT ON YOUR OWN.
The end of the school day comes around and your daughter darts in the front door from the school bus. You are so excited to see her and whisper under your breath “She needs a snack“. Sure enough, the hovering fairy shows up and makes a sandwich.
WHAT A BUMMER. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT!
And as you walk up the stairs to go to bed, you notice that your house needs a little bit of updating and whisper “Time for a little remodel” You don’t notice the hovering fairy, but in the morning you wake up to a crew of painters, construction workers, and interior designers in your home.
NOW YOU ARE ANNOYED. SHE DIDN’T EVEN ASK WHAT YOU WANTED. SHE DIDN’T EVEN ASK IF YOU NEEDED HELP. SHE JUST STEPPED IN AND TOOK OVER.
While this hovering fairy may seem like somewhat of a miracle, she represents helicopter moms. Moms who do everything for their kids with the best of intentions. But in the end, stepping in and doing so much for your teen can make her feel disempowered, unable, frustrated, and eventually complacent.
Teens that I’ve spoken to over the years have told me that they don’t want to even whisper what’s wrong for fear that their mom will rush in and take over the situation.
As an example, one daughter told her mom about failing a test. Next thing she knew, her mom had contacted the teacher asking for a re-test, signed the daughter up for tutoring, and enrolled her in an extra math class.
As another example, one daughter told her mom she was having a fight with a friend. The mom called the other girl’s mom to see how things were going and to orchestrate a sit down with the two girls. This was done without the daughter’s permission.
Both of these moms were loving and compassionate moms but they became hovering fairies instead of empowering supporters.
BE AN EMPOWERING FAIRY BY PROBLEM SOLVING WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND THEN LET HER TAKE THE LEAD.
So next time your daughter whispers something, will you be the hovering fairy or the empowering supporter?
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
