The COVID-19 global health crisis is an unprecedented time of uncertainty, fear, and disruptions to our daily lives. While this is stressful enough under normal circumstances, add in grief and that stress gets compounded and overwhelming. The physical distancing requirement, while in place to keep people as safe and healthy as possible, interrupts our ability to gather for community and connection, two things that are often so helpful in times of grief.
If your teens are in a place of wanting to meet up to grieve and mourn the death of a friend or community member, it puts you in a tough place. Do you set limits that keep them from grieving together or do you make exceptions that might put them and others at risk? Thankfully, our digital world provides options for teens to support one another, while also staying physically apart.
When it comes to teens and grief, peer support is so important. For many teens – and adults – grief brings a sense of isolation; that no one gets what they’re going through. Being with others who do get it on some level helps decrease that isolation and normalizes the thoughts and emotions that come with loss. In addition to peer support, there’s often a strong pull to collectively remember and honor the person who died and what they meant to each person who knew them.
So, how do teens access peer support and find ways to grieve together during this time of physical distancing? Here are a few ideas to consider:
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Create a group playlist of the person’s favorite songs and/or songs that help teens connect with their grief. Using group texts or other forms of social media, teens can share stories and memories connected to the songs they choose.
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Start a collective online photo album using Google Photos, Shutterfly, or any other program. The album could be turned into a memory book where teens can add captions to the photos they contribute. If it’s financially feasible, consider printing copies of the books for each teen and the family of the person who died. Be sure to get teens’ permission though before making a copy for the family.
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Schedule regular video chats using Zoom, Google Hangouts, or any other medium so teens can come together and connect. They might use this time to talk about grief, share memories, or just hangout.
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Host a virtual DIY remembrance ceremony via video/phone so a group can come together to share memories and activities the way they would if they had a similar ceremony in person. Activity ideas include, writing and reading a letter to the person who died, lighting candles, and playing or performing music.
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Buy gift certificates for restaurants and other spots that were meaningful to the person who died. This is a great way to support small businesses in this challenging time, while also honoring the person who died. When the physical distancing guidelines are lifted and businesses re-open, friends can use the gift certificate together to celebrate their friend.
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Encourage your teens to create a group-care plan. You’re probably familiar with the idea of self-care and the importance of teens finding ways to attend to their mental, physical, and emotional health and this concept can be applied to a group of friends too. Everyone has their strengths when it comes being there for one another so invite teens to share 1 thing they can provide to friends and 1 thing they need for support. It’s great to get specific – “I’m the best at finding and sending funny videos.” “I’m good at listening without judging.” “The thing I most need is someone who will send me a text once a day to ask how I’m doing.” “Please send me new music!” are some examples.
- Offer your teens opportunities to explore their grief through activities. Our Teen Journal – Deconstruction/Reconstruction – is a great resource for teens, no matter who they are grieving. You can order it online at www.dougy.org. We also have activities available to download for free at: https://www.tdcschooltoolkit.org/teens This site also includes videos and podcast episodes for and by grieving teens.
- Meal trains are common ways to support a grieving family, but in this time of physical distancing and virus transmission concerns, think about purchasing gift certificates to meal delivery services such as Grub Hub, Postmates, Instacart, Caviar, or local restaurants that are offering delivery. You could also ask the family if there are any supplies they are running low on and see who in your community might have extra.
- Consider gifting them with subscriptions to a streaming service, a gift card to a bookstore that is offering delivery, or some other online service they could use (online class, workout program, etc). Be sure to ask beforehand if it’s something they are interested in.
- Send cards, letters, or emails with messages of support and and memories of the person who died. Depending on how close you are with the family, ask if they would like to schedule a video chat.
- Reach out with texts that don’t require a response. This might sound like “No need to respond unless you want to. Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and your hurting heart this morning.”
- Get creative about tangible support you can offer that fits within the physical distancing guidelines. “I’m free to mow your lawn this Saturday. I’ll bring my own mower and we can wave through the window – or not.” “I’m putting in a grocery order, can I add anything for you? Happy to drop-off on your porch.” If they have young children in their family, you could offer to set up a video chat for story time or a craft project as a way to provide some virtual childcare.
For more tips on supporting your grieving teen – and yourself – there are some resources to explore listed at the end of this post. Thank you for working to create opportunities for your teens to grieve as a community, and please reach out to us if you have any questions.
Jana DeCristofaro, LCSW
Community Response Program Coordinator
The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families
www.dougy.org
503.775.5683
help@dougy.org
Tip Sheets
Now What? Tips for Grieving Teens
https://www.dougy.org/docs/Tips_for_Grieving_Teens.pdf
Tip Sheet for Supporting Teens After the Death of a Close Friend
https://www.dougy.org/docs/TDC_2_Tips_for_Supporting_the_Grieving_Teen_After_Loss_of_Close_Friend_2018.pdf
Dismantling Three Grief Myths
https://www.dougy.org/docs/Grief_Myths.pdf
Podcast Episodes
Ep. 106: Grief & Anxiety – Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC
http://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/13517261
Ep. 50: Grieving the Death of a Best Friend as a Teen
http://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/5092479
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