Your daughter walks into the cafeteria the first week of school. She brought her own lunch to avoid the long lunch lines and the not-so-healthy food. A quick look around and she spots her friends at the far end of the cafeteria. As she walks towards them, the last available seat is taken by someone else. Hoping that people will scoot over and make room, she approaches the table. Sadly, no one will move over so she has space to sit down. Her heart drops. Now what does she do?
LUNCH TIME, ESPECIALLY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR, CAN BE BRUTAL.
There are a lot of social dynamics in play when it comes to lunch time. Your daughter might not have the same lunch period as any of her friends. The people she thought were her friends may be giving her the cold shoulder. The dynamics of her friendship group may have changed and there might be a lot of tension.
LUNCH TIME MAGNIFIES SOCIAL TENSION.
Take the time to ask about your teen’s lunch. Get curious about it. I don’t recommend going straight into asking personal questions such as “who’d you sit with?” or “Did you feel anxious?”. Instead, ask surrounding questions. And please, avoid asking them a ton of questions all at once. Keep it casual and just ask a few at a time.
Here are some IDEAS:
-How does the cafeteria work? (ex. ASB cards, snack line, regular line, etc.)
-Do they have anything that actually tastes good?
-Do most people take their lunch or buy food?
-Is there a certain place you sit every day?
-Do people sit in the same groups every day?
-Are you allowed to go to the library or classroom?
If your teen is having a difficult time at lunch, help her come up with a game plan. She can ask someone in her class right before lunch if they can sit together. She might decide to go to the library and have alone time. Maybe there’s a study group that meets during lunch. Help her to find a way to decrease her discomfort and take charge of lunch time.
In the first two weeks of school, many of the lunchtime groups are formed. Now is the time to ask your teen about lunch and offer your support and encouragement if they need it.
