My daughter stayed home from school today because she had a sore throat. She was sleeping soundly until her phone started lighting up with text messages. Her friends who were at school were frantically texting each other. All of them were trying to figure out if there was a death threat at their school. One said the bathroom was locked and police were nearby. Another said the toilet wasn’t working and that’s why it was locked. Another said it wasn’t at their school. The texts were filled with “LOL” and “ha ha ha”. These girls weren’t really laughing though. As girls do, they were trying to make it all seem “fine”.
Now, the school will be closed Friday while they assess whether or not the death threat was credible. To the students, our kids, they don’t care what the investigation finds. Even if it was a thoughtless teenage prank, many are now scared. My daughter asked, “If they make us go back on Monday, why will that be any safer?” Threatening words left on a bathroom wall will have a lasting impact on the majority of the kids at her school.
Now we are left with figuring out how to comfort them and support them through this. Here are a few suggestions for all of the parents of Redmond High School, Juanita High School, STEM, Redmond Middle School and the countless other schools in America who will unfortunately have the same experience.
- Stay Calm. While my daughter was showing me what her friends were texting, my heart sank. I could tell they were nervous and scared. So was I. Instead of getting in the emotional trenches with them, though, I stayed calm. Teens look to the adults in their life for an emotional calm. We have to supply it in these situations. Do your crying, ranting, yelling, whatever it is you need to do in a private place. For your teens, keep it together.
- Listen. It’s important to sit back and listen if your child wants to talk about what is going on. Don’t ask a bunch of questions. Listen to what they have to say. This is a big help to relieve anxiety, especially if they’ve had to keep it together emotionally while at school.
- Provide Information. In this situation, the lack of information put the girls into a frenzy. They were filling in the blanks with possibilities. Give them as much information as you can without embellishing or dramatizing. Today, for instance, we let the girls know that the police and the administration were aware of the situation and were investigating. There was no imminent threat.
- Give them a hug. OK, for some teens, they don’t want an actual hug, but give them an emotional hug today. Situations like these can elicit all sorts of responses from teens- anger, sadness, withdrawal, emptiness, or no response at all. They might come talk to you, start texting friends, or just want to watch TV. Give them space, but let them know you are there if they need you.
- Safety talk. This is the tough part. How do we guarantee our kids that they will be safe? Well, we can’t. We can assure them that the police are doing their job investigating and that the school administration will likely be taking extra precautions. Encourage them to report anything they hear about this.
- Threats aren’t Funny. This is also a great time to talk to your teen about the seriousness of writing threats like this. Most likely, these threats were a horrible teen prank meant to get school cancelled, see the ramifications in the news, or for a laugh. Whatever the reason, it causes a lot of emotional turmoil and monetary consequences to the community. Not to mention it is a criminal act. Also encourage them to report any information they may overhear about who wrote the message.
- Support at School. If your child is anxious about going to school, let them know that they can reach out to their schools counselors, teachers, or health room nurses if they become overly anxious or stressed out during school. For most teens, they’ll be fine heading back to school with all of their friends and teachers. If they are shaken up, the first day back after a threat, you might want to organize a carpool so your teen can walk into the school surrounded by friends.
(Most of these steps can be used for all ages. However, for elementary school children, only bring it up if they are aware of the situation and keep it simple. You can say something like “Someone wrote some bad stuff in the bathrooms that scared people. The police are helping the schools to make sure that everyone is safe. Do you have any questions about it?”)
For parents, it can be really tough sending our teens back to school after a threat like this. Make sure you are supporting each other as well. We’re in this together.
With Heart,
Sheri Gazitt, TeenWiseSeattle.com
This article was edited after another death threat was written in a local movie theater bathroom and two other district schools.
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