ARE YOU SPEAKING THEIR LANGUAGE?
Like many parents, you might be worried that you are losing your connection to your teen. You try to connect in a variety of ways, and it seems to fall flat. You take them for Boba. Try to give them a hug. Ask to play a board game. Nothing changes. Sadly, you might feel like giving up after a while, especially when your efforts to connect are continually “rejected” by your teen.
If you are feeling discouraged or if you worry about the disconnection, it might be time to learn how to speak your teen’s love language.
According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages: gifts, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical affection. Most people have a definite preference although these preferences change over time.
When your teen hit puberty, a lot of things changed- their brain, their wardrobe, their attitude. You might have also noticed that your teen has changed how they receive love from you. Maybe they hate hugs, don’t want to play board games, and have no interest in skiing with you anymore. This means you have to learn a different love dialect (a term coined by Gary Chapman). You have to know how THEY are willing to receive love.
Do you remember how you spoke to your child when they were 2? You probably used some baby language, talked in a bit higher pitch and used simple language. Your teen would think you had lost your mind if you brought that back into the mix. As your teen transforms, how you relate to them has to transform too.
Just like learning a new language, it will take a bit of studying and consistent practice. But I know you can do it, because I do this with my own kids. They are 19, 22, and 24 but speaking their love language is a vital part of maintaining our close relationships.
As you are making changes, be patient with your teen and be patient with yourself especially if you are going through a rough patch. It takes time to change patterns and to implement new strategies. Stick with it, though, and you’ll see the results.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
P.S. If you’d like to learn more about how to speak your teen’s love language, check out http://tinyurl.com/2loveurteen for a 5 day series where we’ll discuss each of the five love languages and offer tips on how to put them into practice.
