Your daughter made a mistake. It was a doozy. And now the entire school is talking about it, and the gossip is in high gear. Girls are choosing sides and alliances. Your daughter is being ostracized.
You know what she did, and you agree it was a very poor choice. You also know that your daughter is a kind and loving girl with a heart of gold. You see her hurting. At night she cries herself to sleep. She’s barely eating, and she’s embarrassed to show her face at school. On the weekends she’s home alone. Her friends have stopped inviting her to hang out.
You are extremely concerned about your daughter’s mental well-being. You are desperate to help but aren’t sure how. The ideas flowing through your mind are endless: contact the school counselor so she can talk to the other girls, reach out to the other moms, plead with the girl that was wronged, change schools.
All of these thoughts come from a place of love and concern. Who wouldn’t want to try and make things better for their daughter?!? Unfortunately, when a big mistake is made, the natural consequences aren’t so easy to fix. Winning her friends’ trust back will take time, and sadly it may never happen.
So what can you do? Focus on YOUR daughter. Support her as she processes the pain she’s feeling. Support her as she comes to terms with the mistake she made. And support her as she understands that everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t make her a bad person. She can learn from this and move forward. Empowering your daughter is extremely important. Trying to step in and fix it can actually disempower her.
Here are a few things your daughter can do:
- OWN UP TO IT. Your daughter can own up to her mistake and apologize to anyone who was wronged. The other person is under no obligation to forgive.
- LEARN FROM IT. Your daughter can take a moment to reflect on WHY she made the mistake…why she made this poor choice. She can do this through writing, meditation, talking to a counselor or a teen life coach like me.
- SHOW UP. Your daughter does not need to grovel or beg for forgiveness. She can sincerely apologize, and then show up as the kind and loving person that she is.
- ASK. It may seem impossible right now, but your daughter can ask people to hang out one-on-one. There will be current friends that will forgive her. And there are new friends that will embrace her.
Your daughter is not the first teen girl to make a big mistake, and she won’t be the last. The empowering support and unconditional love you give her will make a huge difference in how she takes this experience and turns it into a moment of learning and personal growth.
You got this! And so does your daughter.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
