Let the tears fall, the tempers flare, and the hearts hurt. Yep, you guessed it. It’s time for Homecoming!
Once upon a time, a guy would casually ask a girl to homecoming as they walked down the hallway or over the phone. The two would ride together in a CAR and grab a bite to eat. Then they would head to the dance. That sounds fairly easy, right?
Fast forward to 2022. First, the guy direct messages a friend of the girl he wants to ask to find out if she would say yes. If so, then the guy makes a dramatic gesture to ask her such as a sign with lots of lollipops, or Hershey kisses, or balloons. For most, they make sure it is an INSTAGRAM worthy moment which means they enlist a friend to be the photographer.
Then the girls shop for the perfect dress. A little sexy but not too sexy. Maybe some sparkle but not too much. Not too long but not too short. A little different but not too different. And, oh yeah, will it photograph well.
If that doesn’t make you stressed out, get ready to feel the heart rate rise. Now comes the ultimate detail.
WHAT GROUP WILL YOU GO WITH?
While the idea of going with a group of friends to a dance seems like a good one, it can get really tricky and emotionally icky. Teens now go to dances in groups for the most part. But the ups and downs in creating these groups is a nightmare. Usually, the group is started by a couple of people. Then others want to be added, but there becomes an approval process. Then the group gets full. Now people wanting in the group are turned away. That leaves them looking for another group. Then it also depends on whether or not you have a date. Some groups accept singles while others do not. This part of the process causes feelings of rejection and frustration. This is, by far, the worst part of the whole homecoming season.
Then there is the last part. They have to decide as a group on where to eat, what transportation to take, where to take pictures, and where to have an after party. (No, all of this is not necessary but it has become the norm.) This is all decided via a group chat. Generally, the girls take on this responsibility while the boys often pick up the tab. This creates stress for the boys who are seeing dollar signs while the girls are seeing a perfect Cinderella night and can be unsympathetic to the cost.
Does homecoming have to be this complicated? Absolutely not. There are a few of you out there that are lucky enough that either your teen had decided not to attend homecoming or that they have simplified their own homecoming experience.
Alright, let’s get down to it.
HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR TEEN:
- Don’t jump right in with advice or trying to fix it.
- Zip those lips and open your heart
- Ask if they want advice or just want to vent.
- Ask about their expectations for homecoming.
- Are they willing to change these?
- Can they focus on having a great time with their date or friends instead?
- Encourage them to take charge if possible.
- Can they make different plans?
- Can they simplify?
- Hug them, love them, support them
- Don’t tell them it’s ridiculous
- Don’t tell them to get over it
- Teach compassion
- If your teen seems squared away, maybe they could look around to make sure their friends (and even acquaintances) aren’t being left out
One last bit of parenting advice when it comes to homecoming. Just because some of this stuff has become the new norm, it doesn’t mean that you have to agree to it. If you don’t want your teen to ride a party bus, you can say no. If you don’t want them to go to an after party, just say no. If you don’t want them to have a sexy dress, just say no.
Oh yea. I should write an article on after parties too. That’s a whole other topic. And what happens when your teen can’t find a group or friend to go with? OK, stay posted for those blogs,
So hang in there parents.
YOU GOT THIS!
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
P.S. There are many same-gender couples that go to the dances (YAY!). The pronouns in this blog are not meant to exclude them.
P.P.S. Join our Facebook group at http://facebook.com/groups/theparentinglab for more info and support
