5 Rules for Parenting During the Pandemic

“Normal” life is pretty complicated as a parent. You are taking care of yourself AND tending to these pre-adult humans that need you. Usually this time of year you would be buying school supplies, finding out schedules and teachers, and buying a few new outfits. But this year…WHOA. You are now trying to figure out where to set up study spots for every family member, upgrading internet to handle the extra online traffic, and perhaps deciding how you are going to keep your job and your sanity.

Yeah, right. Pretty much every mom I know is breaking a sweat and looking for a hole to crawl into until the academic apocalypse is over. If you are scoping out your escape route, take a deep breath.

Take a peek at Pinterest and you are going to find a million-and-one ways to set up your adorable study spot, to create an impeccably organized calendar, and to create healthy unprocessed meals for lunch. If this is something you can handle with joy and excitement, go for it. Otherwise, do what works for you. Throw up a slab of wood in the corner for a desk or have your daughter work on her bed if needed. Put up a simple dry erase board or use post it notes for the schedule. And pop some Hot Pockets in the microwave if that’s all you have time for. You do not have to be Instagram worthy to be a good Mom. You only need to do the minimum to get by. The rest is fluff.

This year is an outlier. If your teen slacks off this Fall, it doesn’t mean that her career aspirations are kaput. Maybe she normally spends hours on her assignments and makes all A’s. Maybe she’ll be able to continue to do that, but maybe not. This year is about getting things done at whatever level is possible. If you see that she is really struggling, don’t try to take over. Instead, ask if she needs help.

You might have noticed that there is a lot of blaming, shaming, and judgment flying around on social media these days. Just a few days ago someone posted about her daughter doing schoolwork on her bed. Several parents chimed in that it wasn’t a healthy choice. You have to put the blinders on, look for help when you need it, but tune out the nay-sayers.

Your teen is dealing with a LOT of abnormality this year. Her moods may be all over the place. She may be depressed about not going back to the halls of her school. She might be angry that she can’t hug her friends and grandparents. And likely she is annoyed that she has to spend so many hours with you. As one of my clients so wisely said “I love my parents, but I really want to see someone else’s face.” Mental wellness affects focus, learning, and motivation. Your teen has probably suffered at least a small blow to her mental wellness. Mental health should definitely be a top priority this Fall.

It is OPTIONAL for you to regulate and monitor your teen’s school work. Instead of positioning yourself as the academic police, think of yourself as the academic supporter or advisor. Once you get the information about the upcoming school year, work WITH your teen to create a space for success and their own system to organize assignments. This is your daughter’s journey. You might need to give her a loving nudge here and there, but school work is not worth sacrificing your relationship with her. If grades dip down this semester, I promise you that it is not the end of the world or the end of her academic career.

-Thomas Jefferson

I think Thomas Jefferson summed it up pretty well. So don’t compare your family to other families, and do what you have the bandwidth to do. We all have different situations and different kids. But we’ll get through this.

With Heart,

P.S. I am very passionate about the Mom Wise Club and promise to be there for you every step of the way. The topics we will cover have been carefully considered. I personally invite you to join the Club. If after 30 days you aren’t happy with your decision, you can opt out of your membership. So what do you have to lose?

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