TEENS ARE DESIGNED TO HAVE MELTDOWNS FROM TIME TO TIME.
Not only do they have a lot on their plate, but they also have an enlarged amygdala which is all about emotions. With three kids of my own, I’ve had a front row seat for some major ones. Just like toddlers, teens are going through changes.
AND THEY ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW THEY RELATE TO THE WORLD AROUND THEM.
And their bodies are changing, daily. And they are trying to become more independent. When you look at it from this perspective, it’s no surprise that your teen will have a meltdown here and there. If your teen hasn’t, you are very, very lucky my friend. And during this interesting time of COVID, the meltdowns may become more intense and more frequent.
BUT DON’T WORRY. YOU’LL SURVIVE IT. There are ways to get through this that don’t include hiding in your closet.
Here are a few steps you can take to survive your teen’s meltdown and maybe even be helpful in the process.
DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
This is a difficult thing to do when your teen is sobbing or yelling. It’s important, though, to remember that it’s not you, it’s them. When you can remind yourself that it is their emotional turbulence and their emotional experience, it will help you to keep your calm.
ASK THEM IF THEY NEED ANYTHING.
Every situation and every teen will vary on what they need from you during a meltdown. You can always say “This seems like a tough time for you. Is there anything I can do for you right now?” They might scream back, say something rude, stay silent, or give you a direct answer.
GIVE THEM SPACE.
You can still stay in the same room if it seems like a good choice, but giving your teen emotional space to feel what they are feeling is important. It shows them that it is ok to not always be happy. It’s ok to acknowledge and sit with your emotions for a while. What does this look like? Stay away from phrases like “don’t cry” or “there’s no reason to be angry” or “you’re making a big deal out of nothing”. ALL emotions are valid even if they don’t make sense to us.
CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF.
It can be very difficult to see your teen experiencing such intense emotions. You might want to cry or scream right along with them, but resist the urge. Your job is to be the emotional rock during their meltdown. If you are feeling emotionally triggered, take time for yourself in your room or take a walk. Settle down with a cup of tea. Just make sure that your emotions don’t overshadow your teens.
FOLLOW UP AFTER THE STORM.
After your teen has weathered the emotional storm, it’s time to check in with them. Simply ask them, “Do you want to talk about anything?” If they say yes, BINGO! If they say no, follow up with “Well, I’m here if you need me.” Don’t badger your teen to tell you what is wrong because they’ll most likely shut down. If your teen was disrespectful during their meltdown, this is the time to point out that you don’t deserve to be treated like that and that they owe you an apology when they see fit.
Meltdowns are fairly normal for teens. They are typically a short burst of intense emotions that are often larger than the situation warrants. They might be sobbing because they forgot their lunch at home. Or they might be screaming because you asked them to take out the trash. The meltdown can last a few minutes or a day.
I survived my teen’s meltdown and so can you. With the right information and the right support, you can handle anything.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
P.S. Dealing with meltdowns is on our Mom Wise Club schedule. It’s difficult to not get reactive and emotional, but you can do it!
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