Being listened to, enlivens us and inspires opportunities to explore what we think, how we feel, what we want, who we are and who we’re becoming. It is an experience with many benefits. -Mark Brady
LISTENING IS THE KEY TO COMMUNICATION.
Everybody thinks they know how to listen because we listen to people every day. For most people, though, their listening skills are on a very basic level. If you learn to get into that deeper level of listening, then your can really better your connection with your teen.
IF YOU LISTEN, YOUR TEEN WILL KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.
She is going to trust that you’re the person she can go to and vent if that’s what she need. You’re the person she can go to get advice if that’s what she needs. Knowing that you will listen and not just jump at the chance to impart all of your wisdom is so important.
THEY WANT TO KNOW THEY ARE HEARD.
By listening, you are going to make her feel valuable. You’re going to make her feel heard, and you are going to make her feel important. What a gift. These are powerful things that you can give to your daughter in a world that is busy and chaotic.
YOU CAN MAKE HER FEEL VISIBLE, IMPORTANT, AND LISTENED TO.
There are many things that might keep you from listening. It might be your eternal “to do” list running through your head, the technology at your fingertips, or your desire to impart your wisdom (aka: lecture).
LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND.
One trap that parents fall into is listening just to figure out what to say next. And quite often trying to figure out how they can fix the situation at hand. Try to simply listen to your daughter without worrying about your response.
FOCUS ON HER.
Get curious and focus on what your daughter is saying. If she’s telling you about what she ate for lunch, ask about a few details. if she’s telling you about her homework load, ask her what types of assignments she has. Don’t jump ahead and change the subject. Focus on what she wants to talk about.
CONSIDER HER WORLD.
This type of listening is your goal. When your daughter is talking about homework, girl drama, her favorite You Tuber think about what she is telling you in the context of her life. Think about the feelings and experiences that she is going through. This is the pinnacle of listening.
DON’T HOP TO THE “GET IT DONE” MODE.
When you are feeling stressed and have a long list of things to do, it’s easy to be dismissive when your daughter starts talking. You might want to rush her along so you can start checking things off of your list. Or you might want to push your daughter to get busy and do her chores or her homework or take a shower. I would encourage you to avoid hopping into the “get it done” mode and instead take a moment and listen.
DON’T PRETEND TO LISTEN.
Pretend listening is when you act like you’re listening, but you aren’t. Your kid might ask you a follow up questions, and you have no earthly idea what she just said. When you get caught, your kid feels really low and extremely unimportant because they’re pouring their heart out, giving you words, giving you details. It makes them feel like they’re wasting their time and that you don’t really care.
We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. -E.E. Cummings
So just by listening, not taking any money out of our pockets, just by giving your teen some time, you can give her the power to believe in herself… just by listening.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
P.S. In the Mom Wise Club, we will be tackling the art of listening in October. Join us!
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