IF SHE WOULD TELL THE TRUTH, IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER.
This is such a true statement but, like it or not, your daughter is going to lie to you from time to time. It’s not because she has a major character flaw. It’s not because she is a dishonest person.
IT’S A PART OF LIFE. WE ALL LIE.
You might be thinking that you don’t lie. It’s wrong to lie. But hold up. Would you tell your Mom if her casserole was awful? Or would you tell your friend that her shirt was ugly? Or how about the last time someone asked you how your day was and you said “fine” even though it had been awful? There are different reasons people lie, and teens have a unique list of reasons that most parents don’t think about.
SHE MIGHT LIE SO SHE DOESN’T DISAPPOINT YOU.
It may not seem like it, but your teen wants your approval. She knows if she’s messed up and done something that you won’t approve of. She might not tell the truth because she doesn’t want you to think less of her.
SHE MIGHT LIE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE.
Duh. There’s no teen in the history of the world that wants to receive consequences. It’s that simple. And sometimes she will lie to try and avoid consequences.
SHE MIGHT LIE BECAUSE SHE IS LOYAL.
It’s like in the movies, right? They interrogate one person but they stay silent to protect their treasured colleague. We can probably agree that being loyal to your friends is a positive trait. Your daughter might lie to avoid getting her friends in trouble. Honorable? Maybe. Desirable? No.
SHE MIGHT LIE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TELL YOU.
Being a teen is about becoming an individual and gradually detaching from the family unit. Your daughter might lie simply because she wants to keep a few personal things to herself.
SHE MIGHT LIE BECAUSE OF YOUR PARENTING STYLE.
If your parenting style is “my way or the highway”, otherwise known as authoritarian parenting, your teen might be lying more than her peers. When parents give consequences without reason and without conversation, teens want to avoid any conflict and all consequences. This leads to a pattern of more frequent lying.
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU CATCH YOUR TEEN IN A LIE?
- Don’t take it personally
- Ask why she lied
- Ask what she was afraid of
- Ask what was going on
- Explain why lying is not OK
- Give her a reasonable consequence if necessary
Just to recap…if you catch your teen lying, don’t completely freak out and assume her character is flawed. It’s a part of life. We all lie from time to time. So keep it in perspective and continue to guide your teen to be honest and open with you. Because, as we all know, it’s just easier to tell the truth in the long run.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
P.S. If you find that your teen is lying habitually, it’s important to have a conversation about trust and to get to the bottom of why they feel the need to lie regularly. Start the conversation when you are calm and logical.
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