“As humans the very nature of being understood and heard is connected to our sense of self worth. When you are speaking, you have something of value to say and you want to say it to contribute and to be heard. If you are not listened to or even ignored, this hits at the heart of who you are and your self esteem.” -The International Coaching Academy
It is a gift to listen to someone. Listening with an open heart and an open mind is an ability that doesn’t come easily to most. As parents, listening is a skill that can open your eyes your child’s developing opinions, beliefs, joys, and passions.
- TALK LESS To listen, it requires silence. This is a super simple way to better your listening skills.
- DUMP DISTRACTIONS Be a role model for your teen and show them what it looks like to really be focused on a conversation. Put your phone down, turn off your computer, mute the TV.
- SHOW INTEREST The best compliment and self-esteem boost is when someone is truly interested in what you have to say. You might not be interested in the subject your teen is talking about, but I know that you are interested in who they are becoming. So show them that you are interested in them.
- BE PATIENT For teens, it may take time to formulate their thoughts or to put together a full sentence! Be patient while they are figuring out what to say.
- STAY CALM You are not always going to agree with your teen’s opinion or approach to things. By staying calm, though, you can have a great discussion.
- ASK QUESTIONS If you disagree with what your teen is saying, that’s the best time to ask questions. It will get them thinking about the alternative views and it will give you insight into why their opinion may differ from yours. Also, asking questions gives your teen the spotlight and the role as the expert.
- SILENCE YOUR MIND This is the most difficult step to being a good listener. Rather then figuring out your response to what they are saying or deciding on what to make for dinner, truly silence your mind. Listen to the words that your teen is saying intently and purposefully.
- CONSIDER THEIR VIEWPOINT It is quite normal for your middle and high schooler to begin to have divergent views from you. Take the brain power to think about what they are saying and how it differs from your way of seeing things.
- SUSPEND JUDGMENT When we judge, we stop listening. We begin to think about how the person across from us is wrong. If you begin to feel the judgement coming on, start asking questions rather than spewing negative thoughts.
- AVOID CRITICISM If you start to criticize your teen, you will shut them down. That’s a neurological fact of life.
So, parents, we have a lot of work to do. Start being more aware of where your listening skills can be improved. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
With Heart,
Coach Sheri
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